Roller Coaster

This past month has been an emotional roller coaster for me!  There have been several ups and downs, twist and turns, sudden stops, and sudden declines.  I would love to sit here and say that it has been an exciting ride but that would be an unjustly lie.  Unfortunately, for me I have had to face the facts about a lot of unsettling things in my life.  Don’t get me wrong though, not all the events of this month have been bad! 

 I started this month out on a Pure and Simple Woman’s Retreat with my ladies from Hub City Vineyard.  It was truly amazing.  In just 24 hours I learned a lot about myself and some of the people around me.  Something that I have struggled with through the years is my words.  I know!  Crazy, right?  Because I’m a writer?  Well, I don’t mean “words” precisely but if you know me on a personal level you know that I don’t always think about things before I say them.  So occasionally, things may not come out exactly as I mean them to.  And sometimes, they can be terrible.  I was truly convicted about this during our retreat.  I was encouraged to read the book of James.  And in doing so, God spoke to me!  James chapter three is all about taming the tongue.

 James 3:3-5 A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse.   A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds.  A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything-or DESTROY IT!

Man, that’s deep!  My heart sank the first time I read those words, and it still does even after reading them several times.  To think that something that I said out of anger or stupidity may destroy someone was so hard for me to believe.  However, I believe it now, I have seen what it has done to people and I have had it done to me!  I now know that this is something that I need to pray about and I need to feel convicted by!

 James 3:9-10 “With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image.  Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!”

Seriously, everyone should feel convicted by this.  This is not the only wonderful thing that I took away from the Pure and Simple Retreat nonetheless.  There were many speakers and many testimonies and my life was filled to the brim with God and overwhelmed by the love of Jesus!  I heard stories and examples of God’s grace, gratitude, change, love, identity, self worth, forgiveness, and discipline. All of which I could relate to at someone point in my life, one way or another.  I came down off that mountain with a transformed heart and had a finer admiration of beauty of all sorts.  Even though I was coming down off the mountain top, this was defiantly the peak of my roller coaster ride this month. 

         Sadly, one hard lesson I have learned this month is to be careful who you call your friend.  I came to this realization, when I found that several of my “friends” slander my name, gossip about me, disrespect me, and show total disregard and do not believe my change in faith.  This was extremely upsetting to me.  As if losing my so-called friends wasn’t enough I was also faced with many truths about my family, one person in particular.  There comes a point in your life when you have to grow up and realize that the world is so much bigger than you and for some people, unfortunately, this never happens.  It is very hurtful to realize that the one person you never thought would hurt you or lie to you has, and what’s worse is that the effect that you are hurt does not matter because they are so consumed with themselves. This was unquestionably the downhill slope of this roller coaster.

        Luckily, for me, I know that God did this all for a reason.  I know that he has plans for my life and the people that he is removing from my life would either hinder these plans or just destroy them all together.  God wants what is best for me.  He said to me “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:5 msg).  He knows what he is doing in my life even if I don’t!  I just need to trust him and put my faith in him and pray to him when I feel weak!  I need to remember James 1:2-4 (nlt) “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when you faith is tested, your endurance has a change to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”  So I will let it go, give it to God and let him do what ever it is he needs to do to get me to where HE wants me to be!

         If I did not have God in my life this would truly be one of the toughest months I have had in a long time.  Looking on in this month, later this week actually, my family and I will be remembering my brother, Charles Hutchinson,  who left this world to walk with God on November 27, 2009.  “Remembering” is not exactly the right word to use because we remember him every single day, every hour, every minute, every second.  But we will be celebrating the life that he lived here on earth.  It feels like just yesterday that I shared moments of joy with him, that we taunted each other, laughed at and with each other, shared secrets and memories.  Because I am believer I know that someday, we will share those same moments again.    

John 14:1-3 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.”

As I explained before, this month has been an emotional roller coaster.  At times, I felt like giving up and being defeated, I thought the whole world was against me, but I know that if I trust in the Lord and I believe that he has plans for me, I will overcome anything that comes my way!  Some verses to help me remember this:

2Peter 3:8-9 But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day.  The Lord is not slow about His promise, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. 

John 15:18-25 “If you find the godless world is hating you, remember it got its start hating me. If you lived on the world’s terms, the world would love you as one of its own. But since I picked you to live on God’s terms and no longer on the world’s terms, the world is going to hate you.“When that happens, remember this: Servants don’t get better treatment than their masters. If they beat on me, they will certainly beat on you. If they did what I told them, they will do what you tell them. They are going to do all these things to you because of the way they treated me, because they don’t know the One who sent me. If I hadn’t come and told them all this in plain language, it wouldn’t be so bad. As it is, they have no excuse. Hate me, hate my Father—it’s all the same. If I hadn’t done what I have done among them, works no one has ever done, they wouldn’t be to blame. But they saw the God-signs and hated anyway, both me and my Father. Interesting—they have verified the truth of their own Scriptures where it is written, ‘They hated me for no good reason.’”

Ephesians 4:23 “Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.