Motherhood...

“I am the woman who stood here several years ago praying to the Lord.  I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and he has granted my request. Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life.”

1 Samuel 1:26-28

 

That passage from the book of 1 Samuel speaks a great deal of reality to me.  If you read the whole chapter it gives details of a man (Elkanah) who has two wives; Peninnah (who had children) and Hannah (who did not).  Hannah was so distraught about not having children and Peninnah made the situation worse by taunting her because the Lord kept her from having children.  After putting up with the humiliation of not baring a child for Elkanah for so many years Hannah, desperate to bare a son, “bitterly” prays to the Lord for a child and vows that if He would give her a son that she will in return give him back to the Lord.  “He will be yours for his entire lifetime,” she pleas. 

 Though my circumstances were quite different, I went many years trying to bear a child.  I was surrounded by family members and friends and friends of friends who had no problem when it came to fertility.  I felt like I was being punished.  It was only when I gave up and I felt like my life could not get any worse that God finally blessed my husband and me with a child.  This is where my journey with the Lord began. 

Even though I was raised in a loving home, my childhood was missing something very important.  It was not centered on Jesus Christ or the Lord.  We went to church occasionally, especially on holidays; we owned a Bible; I knew the “important” bible stories (The creation, Noah’s Arch, Birth of Christ, Resurrection, and so on); but I actually did not form a relationship with God and was never told that I should.  When I was a young girl, I use to pray to God and ask him for forgiveness and I told Him that I accepted him, I wanted to be saved and I wanted my family to be saved so that we could all be in Heaven together someday.  But I had NO IDEA what all that really meant!!

 I thank God everyday for blessing me with my son Christian.  He is like I have said before, my saving Grace!  I am so thankful for the relationship that I have formed with God and of all knowledge that has accompanied that relationship.  I am grateful that Christian will be raised in a God centered home and that he is surrounded by people and influences that will teach him how to be Jesus like and live a life filled with love for God, Jesus, himself, his friends, family and even complete strangers.  My goal as a mother is to not shield him from all the negativity in the world but understand that through Christ he will overcome all the trials and tribulations that the devil will place in his way and that if he gives his life and trust in the Lord He will prevail.  I have learned that by releasing him into God’s hands his life will be holy.

 

I pray for Christian every day, that he will follow the way of our Lord and I know that he will only do this if WE lead by example.  So I would like to thank the people in my life who have helped me to be the Christian woman that I am today, and who will assist me in continuing to seek God every single day of my life here on Earth.  I would also like to take the time to thank all the role models that God has sent into Christian’s life through our family, our friends and our church family that will persistently guide Christian to be a man of God.  I could not be a happier mother knowing that he is so blessed!

 On a closing note; Our Pastor’s beautiful wife Jessica, recently hosted a play date and her, along with several of the other parents who attended, came up with this in depth list of ways that we can pray for and with our children on a daily basis.  So I ask of you that you utilize this list for ALL OF THE CHILDREN IN OUR LIVES!

 1. In the morning pray before the kids wake up (for peace and a joyful heart)

2. At mealtime (bless the food)
3. Thankfulness for friends and family
4. Pray over their mind that they would enjoy learning
5. Pray for forgiveness for hurt feelings and bad choices
6. Prayer for healing of knees and elbows and all other bumps and bruises.
7. Prayer for safety when driving in a car.
8. Prayer for good dreams and sound sleep when taking a nap
9. Pray scriptures with kids.
10. Pray during worship time that they connect to Jesus.

 

Luke 18:16 Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

Something Like You

To my readers: I realize that I haven't posted in awhile so this is a poem I wrote last year about my Christian Journey.  Hopefully this can hold you all off for a little while!! XOXO and thanks for reading!

Something Like You

 I was once a lost girl.
 I wore a disguise on my face.
 Walked through the world in camouflage
 I faked my way through life.
 
 I never had enough.
 Enough of anything;
 Time, attention, influences.
 Enough of all the things I wanted.
 
 I always thought there was something more.
 Something out there;
 Something intangible, irreplaceable, immortal.
 Something like: You.
 
 It happened in a second.
 Quick as a blink of an eye.
 Faster than the furious,
 But it was closer than expected.
 
 Suddenly, I was found.
 I wasn’t looking, I  had no idea.
 But You brought me in to being.
 My mask came down.
 
 You breathed new breath into me.
 You gave me a new reason for life.
 I still want more;
 More of Your love and spirit.
 
 I now know: my purpose,
 My reason for being on this Earth,
 The gifts that you have given me,
 And the graciousness of your love.
 
 I am full of new life, new spirit.
 I have a renewal of my heart, body, soul, and mind;
 A fullness that only you can give me.
 Your love has completed me.

Sozo...... :)

Last week I decided to dig deeper into my spirituality and complete a Sozo Prayer session with two wonderful ladies from Hub City Vineyard. Let me start by explaining what exactly Sozo is.

WHAT IS SOZO?

SOZO is the Greek word translated “saved, healed, and delivered.” Sozo ministry is a unique inner healing and deliverance ministry aimed to get to the root of things hindering your personal connection with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. With a healed connection, you can walk in the destiny to which you have been called.

A Sozo session is a time for the Sozo team to sit down with you and with the help of the Holy Spirit walk you through the process of freedom and wholeness. Sozo is not a counseling session but a time of interacting with Father, Son and Holy Spirit for wholeness and pursuing of your destiny.

(This excerpt was found on http://bethelsozo.com/, please go to this website for more information on Sozo ministries)

 

The day of my Sozo session I experienced a mix of emotions. I had previously spoken to a few people that have experienced Sozo for themselves. They told me about how much closer they felt to God, how it was very deep and emotional, and how they took so much away from their session. So of course, leading up to that day I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect from my Sozo. As the time was getting nearer I was filled with anticipation! I started to get a little nervous but it was the kind of nervous/excited feeling that you get on your wedding day.

 

And then it began....

 

At the beginning of my session, they explained what was going to happen and how it works. I was asked how I hear from God. I informed them that I wouldn't know because I don't understand the difference between my conscious, the voices in my head, or God!! They explained that it is kind of like your gut. They asked me a series of questions breaking it down into different categories, digging deeper into some things and moving forward with others. To answer the questions I was suppose to just say the first thing that came to me whether it be a picture, a word, or actual spoken words to me.

 

Apparently, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit communicate with me through visual images. I found out a lot about my relationship with them is very similar to my relationship with my earthly family. We also talked about the four doors: fear, hatred, the occult and sexual sin. I was shocked at how honest I was, I didn't even have to think about my responses, the words just came out. I was given a lot of images to ponder on. Some of them were funny like an imagine of me with duct tape over my mouth (to remind me that if I can't say anything nice don't say anything at all), I received images of me in a "bubble" protected from the world (shielding me from the devil),and also one of  me wearing a tiara standing next to a huge chair (explaining to me that I am the daughter of the Lord, I am his princess). I was given the word "Control" when asked about my fears. I was told that I don't always need to control everything, every one, and every situation around me. I need to just let some things take care of themselves. This is going to be very hard for me to do, but in time I will overcome my fear.

I found myself being incredibly honest about my past, revealing things about my past including sexual sins that I have committed and many things that I believed in that I never would have if I would have believed in God, his Son, and the Holy Spirit. When I asked them where they were during all my times of struggle, they all told me "I was here.”  I know this now that they were with me through all of my struggles but I never asked for them, I never turned to them and I didn’t give it all to God. 

 

 During the Sozo, I said many prayers of forgiveness:  Forgiveness of myself, forgiveness of others, and forgiveness from God. After two hours of intense prayer, my Sozo was complete. In the past two years, I have developed such a strong relationship with God and through my Sozo I discovered that He realized this as well. I left there feeling satisfied and complete. I know that to continue my inner healing and my relationship with Father God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, I need to follow through with specific commitments that I have made to them. This has just been a brief description of my Sozo experience, like I said; my session was two hours long. I strongly suggest that everyone do this, no matter how strong or weak your relationship is with God!

 

Something to think about…

 

In Ephesians (Chapter 4:17-32) Paul writes: 

 17-19And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can’t think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.

20-24But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

25What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

26-27Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

28Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can’t work.

29Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

30Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted.

31-32Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

Delayed Introduction ;)

I guess this really should have been my first post but better late than never right!?  Let me introduce myself.  My name is Angie; I am 20 something years old, mother of a wonderful little boy, Christian, a wife to my wonderful husband Ryan, a daughter, granddaughter, sister, cousin, aunt, friend, a Sunday school teacher, active member of my church community Hub City Vineyard and a full time Assistant manager at Sheetz.  My life is pretty busy, but I manage to juggle it all (most of the time with a smile on my face)!

My parents divorced when  my sister (Teresa) and I  were young.  My father remarried and my mother  was in a long term relationship with a man who already had a daughter (Brandi-I still call her my sister) and they had a boy together (C.J.-our half brother).  Our lives were like most modern families:  Not perfect and flawless, but we were grateful for what we had and proud of what we achieved.  I did not have a close relationship with my father during my childhood and there are a lot of underlying reasons why. My mother and I have always had quite a rocky relationship because we are both very head strong!   I also had a strained relationship with my younger sister or my little brother, I found them very annoying and I couldn’t be bothered with little pesky kids! Oh, how times have changed! 

Well, of course we all got older and things changed.  I married and moved to Hagerstown, MD, Teresa gave birth to my first nephew Connor, Brandi moved to Canada and had 2 beautiful girls, C.J. decided to join the Marines and after all of  his tactical training was transferred to Twentynine Palms, California Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center.  In November of 2009 tragedy struck my family.  On Thanksgiving morning I received a phone call from my little brother’s father explaining in little detail a tragic car accident that left C.J. in critical condition.  Immediately my mother, Teresa, and I boarded a plane to California.  While at C.J.’s bedside we learned that there was nothing else that they could do to save his life and that we would have to say good bye.  Losing my brother was the hardest thing that I have ever been through in my whole life.  It was the first of many life changing events that would happen to me through the next few years.  Losing our brother brought us sisters (Brandi, Teresa, and I) closer together.  We all three dealt with our loss in different ways, but through it we formed an unbreakable bond.  My little sister Teresa is now my best friend and I can’t believe that I passed this friendship up so many years ago. 

After a series of events starting around the time my brother died, my life fell apart.  I hit rock bottom.  Trying to help everyone else and not myself lead me into a downhill battle against myself that I was on the fast track of loosing (I’m sure there will be many blog topics about “these events”).  In June 2011, I found out that I was pregnant with my son Christian!  In February of 2012 he was born and our lives were changed forever.  A lot of our friends and family believe him to be “Our Little Miracle”.  I believe him to be MY SAVING GRACE.

 While I was on maternity leave I decided to start going to Church.  I have went to Church on and off throughout my whole life, but my heart was never there.  After only two weeks of attending Hub City Vineyard, I knew that my life was changing.  I was developing a relationship with God and Jesus that had probably always been there, but of course I pushed it away.  After a few weeks my husband started attending with me and soon after him my sister and brother-in-law started attending too.  I can’t explain the feelings I get when I am with my Hub City Family.  In August 2012, I decided to take the next step in my relationship with God and be baptized.  After my baptism, I felt like a whole new person.  The old me no longer existed, I was new!  My relationship with God and his Son has only gotten deeper and more serious. 

I am very blessed for where I am at in my life and to be surrounded by such a great family and wonderful friends. No two persons are the same and no two persons have the same life experiences.  As for me, I know that I have been forgiven for my mistakes and wrong doing, and the experiences that I have been through have helped me help others who have gone through difficult times as well.  My past no longer defines me, my love of God and Jesus Christ now defines me.  One of my quotes to live by these days is “When life brings you to your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray”!

Versus to reflect on::

Luke 13:6-9 (MSG) 6-7Then he told them a story: “A man had an apple tree planted in his front yard. He came to it expecting to find apples, but there weren’t any. He said to his gardener, ‘What’s going on here? For three years now I’ve come to this tree expecting apples and not one apple have I found? Chop it down! Why waste good ground with it any longer?’8-9“The gardener said, ‘let’s give it another year. I’ll dig around it and fertilize, and maybe it will produce next year; if it doesn’t, then chop it down.’”

Matthew 9:11-13 (NLT) 11But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum? 12When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.”13Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices. ‘For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

Fasting Facebook

In preparation of an experience (Sozo Prayer) that I am going to have this week I was asked if I would be able to fast for the Lord. Fasting is primarily an act of willing abstention from all food, drink, or both, for a period of time. An absolute fast is normally defined as abstinence from all food and liquid for a defined period, usually a single day (24 hours), or several days. Other fasts may be only partially restrictive, limiting particular foods or substance. The fast may also be intermittent in nature. Fasting practices may preclude sexual intercourse and other activities as well as food. (Wikipedia) I thought about all the things that I could fast from. Of course I was thinking selfishly of the things I could easily give up for one week; candy, chocolate, chips, soda, meat...etc. When I started praying about it other things (the much harder things) started coming up; coffee, television, and FACEBOOK. After repeated prayer I (and God) decided that I would fast from facebook for one week starting at 12am Monday morning.

 

Once it was decided that Facebook it was I began immediate preparations. I signed on to my FB app from my Smartphone and turned off my notifications settings so that I wouldn't be tempted to get on at all. I posted a status update stating that I was fasting from facebook and I could be reached via text/calling and then I watched the clock. I stayed on facebook until 11:59pm. Then it began. I am extremely addicted to facebook. A few of my friends, co-workers, and my husband don't think that I can go without it, however this is day 2 and I have not clicked on the app (I know 5 days to go) but I have thrown myself into other “things” to keep me distracted.

 As soon as I got home from work early Monday morning, I signed onto my Bible app.  I started two new devotionals for this week, one for morning and one for evening.  I have been on Pinterest pinning away ideas for a Halloween costume for my little man, recipes, party ideas for Christian’s (my son) birthday (which isn’t until February), and motivational bible versus. I also decided to start this blog!  I have pretty much thrown myself into other things so that I will follow through with my promise to the Lord.

With five days to go for my fasting and my upcoming (tomorrow) Sozo Prayer session (the reason I am fasting) my nerves are a mess.  Every time I scroll through my apps to let Christian play with my phone the temptation is there, it would be so easy to just touch that little “f”…no one would know, except GOD, so I pray and click on Peek-a-boo instead!

Matthew 19:26 (NIV) Jesus looked at them and said. “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Thanks for reading! :)